The Micro Loft
CLAIRE: What’s this?
CALVIN: A towel?
CLAIRE: What kind of towel?
CALVIN: A dishtowel?
CLAIRE: And where do the dishtowels go?
CALVIN: In the cupboard.
CLAIRE: Which cupboard? The one above the fridge, or the one under the sink?
CALVIN: Above the fridge, obviously.
CLAIRE: Yes, obviously, but apparently not so obviously because this, guess where I found this?
CALVIN: Under the sink.
CLAIRE: Under the sink!
CALVIN: Ok, so it was under the sink, it probably got caught up with the other towels when we were sorting laundry.
CLAIRE: When WE were sorting laundry?
CALVIN: Yes. Or, sure, or me, when I was sorting laundry. Is that what you were saying?
CLAIRE: I didn’t say that–
CALVIN: No, but you obviously–
CLAIRE: Well, who sorted laundry last, Calvin?/ Was it you or was it me?
CALVIN: Me. It was me!
CLAIRE: So how many times do we have to go over where the dish towels go?
CALVIN: Jesus, Claire–
CLAIRE: Or can you not tell the difference?
CALVIN: I can tell the difference, /I just said that was a dish towel and that dish towels go above the–
CLAIRE: This is what a dish towel looks like, THIS is what a hand towel looks like–
CALVIN: Obviously I know that–
CLAIRE: No, it should be obvious, but then I found this in with the hand towels and where do the hand towels go?
CALVIN: Under the sink–
CLAIRE: UNDER THE SINK!
CALVIN: God, it was obviously a mistake, Claire. You don’t see me screaming at you–
CLAIRE: Screaming?
CALVIN: Yes, screaming at you every time you leave your socks out–
CLAIRE: My socks?
CALVIN: Your pile of socks in the corner by the couch? You take them off when you want to get comfy on the couch and then you LEAVE them there in this NASTY little pile for me to clean up–!
CLAIRE: Now who’s screaming?
CALVIN: Jesus Christ.
CLAIRE: Why don’t you tell me? If it bothers you so much, if my nasty feet bother you–
CALVIN: Goddamnit that’s obviously not what I’m saying–
CLAIRE: Well it’s what you said! You said nasty little feet–
CALVIN: Pile, I said pile–
CLAIRE: OH, “PILE!” Okay, never mind!
CALVIN: I obviously didn’t mean your feet, I meant–
CLAIRE: How is that obvious? In what way is that obvious?
CALVIN: I’m allowed to find your old socks gross and not mean your feet! I love your feet. (Beat.)
CLAIRE: Really?
CALVIN: Yes! They’re wonderful feet with wonderful toes. It’s just– it’s like that Seinfeld bit about hair. How it’s lovely and perfect on someone’s head, but when you find it in the sink… Nasty, right?
CLAIRE: Right.
CALVIN: I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up. I just– I’m obviously not mixing up the towels on purpose.
CLAIRE: Obviously not.
CALVIN: I won’t do it again. Ok? Can we drop it now? I’m sorry.
CLAIRE: Fine. Ok. I’m sorry too.
CALVIN: Great. (Pause.)
CLAIRE: You can tell me, you know.
CALVIN: Tell you?
CLAIRE: When I do something that bothers you, you can tell me. When I leave my socks–
CALVIN: I know, I know, but it’s just not that big of a deal.
CLAIRE: Obviously it is! And I need to know! I don’t want things to build up until they explode–
CALVIN: Bringing them up all the time, that’s how they explode.
CLAIRE: Which is what I do?
CALVIN: Well, yeah!
CLAIRE: And you’d rather not know?
CALVIN: I already know, that’s the thing. But obviously I still screw up.
CLAIRE: I don’t know, though. You knew because I told you. I didn’t know because you never said.
CALVIN: That’s how living together goes. Some things you just have to ignore! (Beat. Claire tries to close the dish towel cupboard, but it’s too full. She slams it.) Claire?
CLAIRE: I can’t live here anymore.
CALVIN: What?
CLAIRE: I’m fucking claustrophobic! I can’t!
CALVIN: You’re, what, you’re breaking up with me over dish towels? Over socks?
CLAIRE: What? No! Obviously not!
CALVIN: You just said–
CLAIRE: Oh my god, Cal! No! I mean this place. I can’t ignore anything in here. There’s no storage, there’s no space, my life feels like it’s spilling out of the cupboards and I’m not Marie Kondo, I like things, I like stuff, I can’t, It’s just so full! And everywhere I look I see things about you that annoy me–
CALVIN: Like what?
CLAIRE: See? You’d rather know!
CALVIN: Yes, I think want to know if my fiancée doesn’t even love me!
CLAIRE: I love you! It’s what you were saying, all the things we can usually ignore— in here I can’t. You know what annoys me, I tell you all the time. You’re so disorg– you’re different-organized, different than me. And that’s okay! But in here there’s nowhere to… I need more space. It’s this apartment, Calvin, not you, obviously. Not us.
CALVIN: Obviously?
CLAIRE: Obviously.
Your next stop is at the Eben-Ezer 1, located at 10125 85th Ave. Take 83rd Ave to 102 street, turn left and walk up 102 to the end of the road, then turn right. The building will be halfway down the block on your right.